Stop Judging and Be Delighted!

Do you know someone who constantly comments on strangers’ appearances (weight, tattoos, cleanliness, fashion choices, hair color, voice and other physical characteristics)?  Even though we have all, at one time or another, been guilty of this, I have to confess that it makes me increasingly uncomfortable when it happens.

I suspect it recalls the cliques of mean girls from my junior high school or the horror of trying to find a single seat in the cafeteria when all the tables were full of groups. Or the kids who whispered behind cupped hands that made me sure they were laughing at me. 

Of course, there are times when it is actually necessary to make judgements about strangers – and its something most of us do every day.  Think about it: we often have to do this for our own safety: to know when to walk away from someone who makes us feel uncomfortable; to note that the driver of the car beside us is behaving irrationally and to protect ourselves and our communities, among other things.    

But it’s that moment when a necessary judgement crosses over into being judgmental that we can get into trouble and maybe even miss out on some wonderful happy surprises.  If you think about it, I bet you know some fun examples that prove my point.

I know a man who is the quintessential smartly dressed figure of the modern male in his corporate role.  Yet, under his starched white shirt he sports colorful tattoos that cover his entire torso. 

I know a leading society matron who learned to weld so she could make beautiful sculptures.

I know a Mexican migrant who mows lawns for a living and looks older than his years from hard work in the sun.  He has just finished putting two sons through university.

I know a lovely woman who is great at her job but quite overweight.  One day, she almost skipped into the workplace and when I asked her why, she said, “I feel great.  I’ve just lost 80 pounds!”

And here in Dallas, we live near a former hard-drinking, hard-living cowboy and his teacher-wife who became our president and first lady.  He now spends his time painting beautiful portraits of immigrants. 

Judgmentalism is like many other ‘isms. It’s not particularly good for us and can make us lose out on a lot in life. But opening our minds to the potential of our fellows can make life a constant stream of happy surprises.  Try it!