It’s OK Not to Be OK
As women especially, our roles in this new COVID environment have been rapidly transformed and seemingly expanded well beyond our control. We have been bombarded with new challenges from nearly every direction. That intricate structure we call “life”, with all its boundaries that define us as mothers, colleagues, wives, daughters and friends, have completely and unexpectedly changed.
Now, it feels like there are no more boundaries. In addition to the many assumed roles we are expected to play, we are suddenly teachers, short-order chefs, caregivers, room-mates and office-mates, house managers and so much more.
This is a LOT to process at one time.
Here is what you need to know: IT’S OK NOT TO BE OK.
Allow yourself that honesty. You have to, for your own mental health. As I said, this is a LOT to take in, especially because we have had no time to prepare ourselves mentally or physically. How could we? None of us has ever been through a global pandemic before.
IT’S OK NOT TO BE OK.
What is out of our control is the situation in which we are living. What is in our control are our thoughts, feelings and actionable responses to this situation.
So, close your eyes for a moment, and take a deep breath. As you do, take that moment to recognize how and what you feel. Then name it. Are you sad? Angry? Overwhelmed? Panicked? Allow yourself to really acknowledge your thoughts and feelings. This environment brings out a range of so many emotions and not all at once. If you’re like me, you might feel content in one moment, maybe because your kids helped with the laundry for the first time (that would be a good day!); but despondent the next when you discover you can’t get essentials at your supermarket.
IT’S OK NOT TO BE OK.
As a professional motivational coach, who is always able to find “a silver lining” in life’s challenges, I have been doing a lot of reading and researching how to help my clients stay positive and mentally sane: our lives have been abruptly, and, without our say-so, turned upside down. But what I’ve concluded is this… It’s IMPOSSIBLE to “stay positive” right now.
We are all living outside of our comfort zone. So, recognize how you feel. Really. Take time to acknowledge your emotions. Name them.
BUT, then move on. For your own mental well-being, you need to train your mind to balance your negative thoughts with thoughts that are neutral or, better still, positive. This is an important coping skill both for now, and beyond, in the post-corona-era.
Did you ever take physics? I’m re-learning some basic principals as I home school my kids. Remember this one? For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
The same needs to hold with our thoughts and feelings.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, BALANCE that feeling by reminding yourself you are resilient. Think about what you have already endured over the past month or so. You ARE stronger than you think. If you are impatient with your spouse or kids, balance that by reminding yourself you can be cooperative. Whatever positive words you think of, make sure you believe them. The negative feelings you have are your truths. But so are the positive feelings. If you need help with some positive words, here is a brief list. I’m hoping some of these will apply to you:
- Confident - Loved - Thoughtful
- Secure -Strong - Bold
- Safe - Courageous - Capable
Try to check in with yourself a few times a day to start recognizing not only patterns in your thoughts and feelings but how you respond. Maybe you begin to notice that you get agitated when your partner doesn’t put the dishes away. How do you respond? What can you do to positively balance that emotion and response?
We cannot change the circumstances we find ourselves in right now. We can, however, change how we think, feel and respond to this situation.
IT’S OK NOT TO BE OK.
But try - really try - not wallow in that state of being. We have to be strong. Give yourself the space to find your courage and your inner strength to change – and challenge – your negative thoughts…
What will you discover?